Spider-man Goes Multi-Cultural

NEW YORK, NY -- No not just bi-racial, Marvel Comics is reporting the new Spiderman will be multi-racial. Apparently Peter Parker (Spiderman's alter ego) is dead so he needs replaced with a new crime-fighting superhero. In comes Miles Morales, half black, half latino, but you wouldn't know until he removes his mask. B-Rock Obama approves, although is reportedly saddened he was not cast as the new superhero.

FOX News Reports UFO could be the Millennium Falcon

BALTIC SEA -- Explorers in the Baltic Sea found a circular object they believe might be a UFO, but do not have the knowledge to say for certain. Our Friends at FOX News are reporting that this is not just a UFO, but it looks to be Han Solo's Millennium Falcon. Reporter Trace Gallagher through numerous side by side comparisons confirmed that it is indeed the ship. Experts at the Daily Lemon believe that Han Solo is hiding the ship at the bottom of the sea to avoid attack from the Empire.

White Trash Rallying to Keep "Truck Nuts" Legal

BONNEAU, SC -- A recent case in South Carolina is fueling debate over whether these ornaments violate a state's indecency laws and if attempting to regulate them infringes on freedom of speech. On July 5, Virginia Tice, 65, from Bonneau, S.C. pulled her pickup truck into a local gas station with red, fake testicles dangling from the trailer hitch. The town's police chief, Franco Fuda, pulled up and asked her to remove the plastic testicles. When she refused, he wrote her a $445 ticket saying that she violated South Carolina’s obscene bumper sticker law. Tice who has no shortage of money from government welfare checks, has hired a lawyer and is taking the case to court. The case goes to trial next month. We at The Lemon believe that the law should be fixed not only to ban these "truck nuts" but to immediately deport to special camps anyone who would drive such a vehicle. But this is America and if you allow those crazy Westboro Baptists you gotta allow the white trash lovin' "truck nuts."

Total Recall of movies in Hollywood

Hollywood, CA -- Lacking any fresh ideas or creativity Hollywood is hot on remakes these days. Take the upcoming remake of the Sci-fi classic Total Recall, due for 2012 release. To make the movie more fitting for the times, a girlie man is brought into play Arnold’s part. In 2012 you are only cool if you are built like Justin Bieber in Hollywood. But that’s just the start of remake Bieber fever. In fact, over the next 12 months, audiences can expect to see a new episode or version of  "Planet of the Apes," “The Avengers,” “Spider-Man,” “Fright Night,” “The Great Gatsby,” “When Worlds Collide,” “RoboCop,” “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark,” “The Thing,” “Creature from the Black Lagoon,” “The Raven,” “Girl With the Dragon Tattoo,” “Red Dawn” and “Footloose.”

Add those to recent updated versions of “Winnie the Pooh,” “Clash of the Titans,” “Karate Kid,”  “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” “War of the Worlds,”  “Arthur,”  “Charlotte’s Web,” “The Tourist” and “A Nightmare on Elm Street.” With all the remake movies The Lemon wonders if Hollywood could go back to the prices we paid for movies back then.

Rental Property

WASHINGTON D.C. -- The US Secret Service is paying Vice President Joe Biden $2,200 a month to rent a cottage next to his Delaware home in order to protect him and his family. Records show Mr Biden has collected more than $13,000 since April on the cottage in Greenville, a wealthy Wilmington suburb, and is eligible for up to $66,000 before the contract expires in 2013. Asked if the Secret Service typically pays rent to those it protects, agency spokesman Edwin Donovan told The Washington Times: "It's a rental property so we pay rent there."He said the proximity of the cottage to the Biden home allowed for extra tight security. The cottage was lived in by Mr Biden's mother before she died and then was rent commercially to a tenant for a year. When he moved out, the Secret Service took up the lease after renting other homes nearby. The salary for the Vice-president is roughly $250,000 a year, so add another couple grand to that cause Mr. Biden is raping the taxpayers on this one.