Spider-man Goes Multi-Cultural

NEW YORK, NY -- No not just bi-racial, Marvel Comics is reporting the new Spiderman will be multi-racial. Apparently Peter Parker (Spiderman's alter ego) is dead so he needs replaced with a new crime-fighting superhero. In comes Miles Morales, half black, half latino, but you wouldn't know until he removes his mask. B-Rock Obama approves, although is reportedly saddened he was not cast as the new superhero.

FOX News Reports UFO could be the Millennium Falcon

BALTIC SEA -- Explorers in the Baltic Sea found a circular object they believe might be a UFO, but do not have the knowledge to say for certain. Our Friends at FOX News are reporting that this is not just a UFO, but it looks to be Han Solo's Millennium Falcon. Reporter Trace Gallagher through numerous side by side comparisons confirmed that it is indeed the ship. Experts at the Daily Lemon believe that Han Solo is hiding the ship at the bottom of the sea to avoid attack from the Empire.

White Trash Rallying to Keep "Truck Nuts" Legal

BONNEAU, SC -- A recent case in South Carolina is fueling debate over whether these ornaments violate a state's indecency laws and if attempting to regulate them infringes on freedom of speech. On July 5, Virginia Tice, 65, from Bonneau, S.C. pulled her pickup truck into a local gas station with red, fake testicles dangling from the trailer hitch. The town's police chief, Franco Fuda, pulled up and asked her to remove the plastic testicles. When she refused, he wrote her a $445 ticket saying that she violated South Carolina’s obscene bumper sticker law. Tice who has no shortage of money from government welfare checks, has hired a lawyer and is taking the case to court. The case goes to trial next month. We at The Lemon believe that the law should be fixed not only to ban these "truck nuts" but to immediately deport to special camps anyone who would drive such a vehicle. But this is America and if you allow those crazy Westboro Baptists you gotta allow the white trash lovin' "truck nuts."

Total Recall of movies in Hollywood

Hollywood, CA -- Lacking any fresh ideas or creativity Hollywood is hot on remakes these days. Take the upcoming remake of the Sci-fi classic Total Recall, due for 2012 release. To make the movie more fitting for the times, a girlie man is brought into play Arnold’s part. In 2012 you are only cool if you are built like Justin Bieber in Hollywood. But that’s just the start of remake Bieber fever. In fact, over the next 12 months, audiences can expect to see a new episode or version of  "Planet of the Apes," “The Avengers,” “Spider-Man,” “Fright Night,” “The Great Gatsby,” “When Worlds Collide,” “RoboCop,” “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark,” “The Thing,” “Creature from the Black Lagoon,” “The Raven,” “Girl With the Dragon Tattoo,” “Red Dawn” and “Footloose.”

Add those to recent updated versions of “Winnie the Pooh,” “Clash of the Titans,” “Karate Kid,”  “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” “War of the Worlds,”  “Arthur,”  “Charlotte’s Web,” “The Tourist” and “A Nightmare on Elm Street.” With all the remake movies The Lemon wonders if Hollywood could go back to the prices we paid for movies back then.

Rental Property

WASHINGTON D.C. -- The US Secret Service is paying Vice President Joe Biden $2,200 a month to rent a cottage next to his Delaware home in order to protect him and his family. Records show Mr Biden has collected more than $13,000 since April on the cottage in Greenville, a wealthy Wilmington suburb, and is eligible for up to $66,000 before the contract expires in 2013. Asked if the Secret Service typically pays rent to those it protects, agency spokesman Edwin Donovan told The Washington Times: "It's a rental property so we pay rent there."He said the proximity of the cottage to the Biden home allowed for extra tight security. The cottage was lived in by Mr Biden's mother before she died and then was rent commercially to a tenant for a year. When he moved out, the Secret Service took up the lease after renting other homes nearby. The salary for the Vice-president is roughly $250,000 a year, so add another couple grand to that cause Mr. Biden is raping the taxpayers on this one. 

Spending Like Eisenhower

WASHINGTON D.C. -- A deal has been reached in the ongoing soap opera of the national debt ceiling. Ending a perilous stalemate, President B-Rock Obama announced agreement Sunday night with Republican congressional leaders on a compromise to avoid the nation's first-ever financial default. The deal would cut more than $2 trillion from federal spending over a decade. Superman President B-Rock Obama says, if enacted, the agreement would mean "the lowest level of domestic spending since Dwight Eisenhower was president" more than a half century ago. Here at The Lemon that line sounded very familiar. If you recall it was in mid-February when B-Rock said his administration had the lowest level of domestic spending since Dwight Eisenhower. So is he saying his level of spending really isn't changing? And does anyone actually know what domestic spending was when Eisenhower was president? I guess the Kool-aid drinkers at MSNBC won't be asking that anytime soon. 

Too Much Meatloaf Leads to Collapse

Pittsburgh, Pa -- Singer Meat Loaf collapsed during a concert in Pittsburgh, Pa. The audience sat quietly thinking the singer was dead. Medics rushed to his aid. Meat Loaf eventually pulled a Jesus rising back up, but not before unleashing a profanity filled rank. Meat Loaf informed the audience that the dirty Pittsburgh air was to much for his asthma and that he fell on pin and was bleeding profusely, he also lost a tooth.

Man Blames Hand Loss on Tight Cuffs

Pittsburgh, Pa -- A former inmate in the county lockup is suing for 5-million big ones after he says tight handcuffs caused injury to his hands causing them to be cut off. 60-year-old James Cotton no stranger to handcuffs, Cotton was behind bars for not registering as a Megan's Law offender. At The Lemon we believe that since it was Mr. Cotton's hands that got him in trouble in the first place, maybe Karma was coming to knock on his door.

He Works Hard for the Money

Florida -- A pretty dang creative inmate in Florida figured out a money-making scheme by allegedly scamming the jail's phone system, making enough money to post bond and get out of jail.

Inmate Larry Stone, in jail since April for property crime charges, noticed something unusual when he went to make a phone call on July 7. He dialed the number he wanted to call, but when the call went unanswered, he noticed that double the amount of money was returned to his account. Stone, 32, allegedly spent the next three hours making 77 incomplete phone calls to local, long-distance and international numbers and raked in over $1,250, according to a report by the Lake County Sheriff's office. Police eventually caught on and Stone wasn't free for long.

Family Says Laying off Alcohol was Deadly

London -- We at The Lemon never heard of Amy Winehouse until a few days ago, apparently she was a young lady of musical fame who put the dead on after doing a good bit of drugs. Now published reports are saying her family is speaking out, saying it was a lack of alcohol that caused the 27-year-old's death. The singer was laying off the alcohol for 72-hours according to family members and this proved to be fatal.  Call us crazy here at The Lemon but maybe the ecstasy, ketamine, cocaine and heroin she allegedly purchased prior to her death played a small role. 

I'll Take Crime-fighting for $200 Alex

San Francisco, CA -- Longtime host of America's favorite gameshow Jeopardy, Alex Trebek suffered a pretty bad injury after chasing off a would be burglar. The Lemon has learned that Trebek now in his 70's sprung into action when the female suspect entered his hotel room, chasing her away. It was then Trebek suffered the injury. The Lemon obtained this picture of the alleged suspect (bottom left.)

Lets Go to the Movies

Washington, D.C. -- As the August 2, 2011 deadline for Apocalypse looms, The Lemon has learned lawmakers are watching movie clips. The head of the Democratic National Committee took a swipe at House Republicans on Wednesday for airing a clip from a Ben Affleck film about bank robbers. On Tuesday, the Republican Conference showed a clip from the movie "The Town" at a closed-door meeting. Here at The Lemon we wonder if lawmakers actually do anything besides watch movies and take pictures of their wieners. So much for listening to the speech by our fearless leader B-Rock.

Back from the Dead is Ray Gricar in a Utah Jail???

SALT LAKE CITY, Ut -- The answer is no, missing former Centre County Pennsylvania District Attorney Ray Gricar's disappearance remains a mystery. A mystery man believed to be in his 70's locked up in a Utah jail for more than three weeks resembled Gricar leading to the jail receiving massive amounts of email wondering if this was the missing D.A. The mystery man who refused to provide his name though, was identified Tuesday as a missing New Mexico man named Phillip Beavers.

Going Green - Algae Problem in China

CHINA -- A massive blob of Algae is threatening marine life and coastal tourism in China, but that is not stopping the children from cooling off (see picture left). While the algea is not poisonous it will make you smell like poop. No stranger to algae in August 2008, a large algae bloom threatened the sailing competition of the Olympic Games in the city of Qingdao in Shandong province. Up to 10,000 soldiers and volunteers were called up to clear more than a million tonnes of the foul-smelling algae. Chinese coastal waters often contain high levels of nitrates caused by agricultural and industrail runoff according to published reports. The buildup of nitrates often contributes to the growth of algea. Scientists, however, are still baffled as to why algae has spread so far and wide, so quickly.

Reality Star Gets Das Boot From Football Fiance

HOLLYWOOD, Ca -- When we at The Lemon heard that Jay Cutler dumped his fiance former Laguna Beach personality Kristin Cavallari we immediately thought of Mr. O, Jay Cutler (pictured left top). But he is married, so with that Ms. Cavallari entered into a relationship with a girlie man football player by the same name (pictured left bottom). The couple started dating in the fall and got engaged in April, but now girlie man Cutler has had a change of heart. Quickly taking to facebook Cutler changed his status to single and changed his profile picture. The girlie man Cutler also a quarterback on the field like our good friend Big Ben decided he may want to try some of Ben's antics before settling down. 

Why Can't We All Just Get Along

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a desire to rock prime time our fearless leader B-Rock Obama took to the airwaves. After a quick apology to fans of the Bachelorette for the interruption it was down to business. "Congress is at a stalemate over raising the federal debt ceiling, and Americans need to pressure their elected representatives to work out a compromise that will avoid a potentially devastating default," B-Rock echoed Monday Night. "The American people may have voted for divided government, but they didn't vote for a dysfunctional government," B-Rock said. We at The Lemon think that if the USA was a business it would have put the closed sign up years ago. People today just want free stuff and don't want to pay nor work. So if they are never forced to they never will.  Most of us are smart enough to figure out this simple problem the government if facing if you are broke, you cut spending, maybe you have to give up your daily cup of five dollar Starbucks and get the fifty cent coffee from the super 1 station that tastes like ashes. Government leaders can't figure out how to do this with the spending of our tax dollars because guess what, most of them are loaded with $$$ and have never had to give up their daily coffee to cut costs. They will never get annoyed with the high gas prices cause with the money we pay them they will always be able to afford it. To bad we can't get back to government by the people, you know the middle class people our leaders are always talking about helping. Most of them could probably come to a solution to this problem in no time. Entitlements are nothing more than modern day slavery to keep people from voting a certain way, because they are addicted to free stuff. Lets cut the addiction, recovery is tough but can be done. 

Missing D.A. Declared Dead

BELLEFONTE, Pa -- Six years later former Centre County District Attorney Ray Gricar has been declared legally dead. You will remember Ray Gricar from back in April 2005, after a day off of work and a long drive from Bellefonte to Lewisburg, Gricar went missing. Police eventually found his car and laptop not much more though, it's like aliens just came and took him away.  

Big Ben's Big Wedding

PITTSBURGH, Pa -- We at "The Lemon" love local news coverage, especially stories like the wedding of Ben Roethlisberger. You would have to live on another planet to have missed all the breaking stories associated with this one. Lets see, Jesus could have returned and this would have still been the top story, but in case you missed it here is: Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, 29, walked down the aisle and married his 26-year-old sweetheart, Ashley Harlan, at Christ Church at Grove Farm in nearby Ohio Township, a rural community off Interstate 79 that borders Sewickley Hills. Yes the man who just a little over a year ago was battling rape accusations stemming from drunken sex in a bar bathroom is settling down. And now that the NFL lockout has ended Ben is off to training camp, then taking to the football field for the next six months. So much for the honeymoon. 

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